2013
Newsletter

From the Guisto Family
of Gaithersburg

Tom attends another Inaugural Ball

Tom got off to a busy year by attending the Inaugural Ball.

Tom makes his move!

This time, however the First Lady invited him. Apparently she enjoyed his dancing, not to mention Tom’s Navy stories. Tom again wore his campaign button: “Romney 2012!” The President, First Lady, and Beyoncé had a good laugh when they saw the button.

Tom makes a Super Bowl ad!

Tom made a super Super Bowl ad; however, when it was discovered that he lip-synced the ad, he was replaced by a nerd.

Tom runs with the bulls - the bulls win!

Trying to recapture his youth, Tom runs with the bulls. However, Tom didn’t realize that the bulls were trained to de-pants the runners! Final score:
BULLS – 1, TOM – 0!

Tom turns down a movie role

Tom was selected for the staring role in Fifty Shades of Gray. However, he turned down the role, stating that it would be too disruptive to his current life style. Because of the millions of new fans, Tom would no longer be able to go to IHOP for breakfast or Long Island for Thanksgiving dinner. Tom was also worried about being stalked by supermodels.

Tom’s political ambitions make international news
when he admits that he smoked crack cocaine

While running for the mayor of the City of Gaithersburg, a video became public showing Tom apparently smoking crack with two alleged gang members. During a press conference Tom admitted, “I’m not perfect.” Tom added that he doesn’t have a drug problem since he only smokes crack when “I’m in one of my drunken stupors.”

Tom & Bobblehead Tom

Tom stated that he was now drug-free and declared that he would “take a urine sample right now!” Luckily no one had a cup handy. Tom acknowledged that he did have one problem: “I have a weight issue. I’ve been training every day.” Surprising to some but not to Tom, Tom’s numbers in the poles have gone up!

Tom runs on the Tea Party ticket

“I’ll give you my Big Gulp when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!” Tom

Running on the Tea Party platform, Tom proclaims:
If you like your Big Gulp, you can keep your Big Gulp. PERIOD! If you like your AK-47, you can keep your AK-47. PERIOD!

Tom instructs Miley on the twerk!

While clubbing in Gaithersburg, Tom met up with Miley Cyrus. Once on the dance floor, Tom started twerking. Miley begged him to teach her the new dance moves. Tom taught her how to twerk various body parts including her tongue. On the way home at the end of a long night, Tom bought Miley a foam finger.

Tom’s looking forward to a Great 2014

Tom and his true love

The Guisto family of Gaithersburg
wishes everybody a
Happy and Healthful 2014!

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