2017
Newsletter

From the Guisto Family
of Asbury Village

Tom Goes to the Oscars!

Since Tom is on a fixed income (like Uncle Leo), Tom accepted a part-time job with the accounting firm, PriceWaterhouseCooper.

At the Oscars, Tom stayed focused!

Tom’s job was to hand out the envelopes to the celebrity presenters. Tom was doing well; however, there were so many presenters and so many envelopes. When they tried to blame Tom for the little mistake, Tom used the “Uncle Leo Defense” – “I’m an old man. I’m confused! I thought I gave the right one. What’s my name? Will you take me home?” However, Yada! Yada! Yada! Tom will not be going to the Oscars next year.

Tom Becomes a BBC Analyst

Still in need of some extra cash, Tom took up jobs as an analysis for the BBC (Tom is a self-proclaimed expert in all topics) and as a babysitter. Things were going well until Tom was booked for two jobs at the same time! Yada! Yada! Yada! Tom will not be appearing on the BBC anytime soon.

Tom Flies the Friendly Skies of United!

Because many airlines now charge for food and drinks, Tom brings his own snacks on flights. On a recent flight when Tom took out his Skippy Peanut Butter & Ritz Crackers, a flight attendant told him that it was a “no peanut” flight. Tom replied that he was not eating peanuts, it was peanut butter.

“I’ll give you my Skippy Peanut Butter when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!” Tom

The flight attendant tried to removed the jar of Skippy away from Tom. But Tom refused to give up his peanut butter. It took two police officers and three flight attendants to remove Tom from the flight. Tom really loves his Skippy Peanut Butter!

Tom Competes in the National Spelling Bee

When Tom applied to compete in the National Spelling Bee, he was told that he was ineligible because of his age. Tom immediately filed an appeal based on age discrimination. The Supreme Court (made up of mostly old people), unanimously found in Tom’s favor. However, Tom lost to a four-year-old when he failed to spell “COVFEFE” correctly.

Bald Ken ~ AKA Tommy Ken

When Tom reviewed the new crew of Barbie Fashionistas, he noticed the lack of baldness in the representation of Ken dolls. Tom immediately filed an appeal based on baldness discrimination. Tom argued that if there was a Man Bun Ken Doll, there should be a Bald Ken Doll. The Supreme Court (made up of mostly bald people or people fearing to become bald), unanimously found in Tom’s favor. The Tommy Ken out-sold all of the rest of the Ken Dolls combined!

The Tommy Ken takes the lead in Ken Dolls!

Time’s Man of the Year!
Almost!

Tom lost to The #MeToo Movement, but came in ahead of a couple of guys
named Donald Trump and Colin Kaepernick

Tom was one of the top contenders because of his long and selfless service to our country. Just be with Tom for a minute and he will tell you about his great service and sacrifices while he was in the Navy. Did you know that Tom was in the Navy? During the war Tom had to drink warm beers and rum & cokes without ice while nightclubbing in Saigon. Tom also served his country by working in Government personnel, where he excelled in downgrading and laying off Federal employees. But, thanks to oversexed Hollywood executives and Washington politicians, Tom lost to The #MeToo Movement.

Tom Runs with the Bulls Again!

Tom is not a quitter so this year he ran with the bulls again. Tom was almost triumphed. After successfully hurdling one bull, Tom was gored by another. The second bull proceeded to nuzzle Tom, before stripping him of his clothes.

Tom enjoys a good nuzzle with a bull!

Tom was embarrassed; however, he did enjoy a good snuggle with the bull!

Total Score to Date:
Bulls - 5, Tom - 0

Tom’s looking forward to a Great 2018

Tom and his True Love

The Guisto family of Asbury Village
wishes everybody a
Happy and Healthful 2018!

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