When Tom had dinner in a wine cave, people mistook him for one of those old, white guys running for the Democrat nomination for president. People would walk by his table and plop down thousands of dollars, and on occasions, millions of dollars! Tom soon found out that if he would sprinkle the word “free” throughout his conversations, the more money they would plop down, especially when he said, “free college,” “free health care,” and “free wine.”
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| Who is the GOAT? |
We all know that Tom is a fountain of knowledge, if we define knowledge as boring, worthless trivia! We all have been trapped with Tom at an early morning breakfast, a holiday dinner, or a long car ride.
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It was a clean sweep for Jeopardy Tom! |
Tom took these opportunities to expound on his Navy days, how he can still name all 28 flavors of HoJo’s ice cream, and how his hero uncle stopped a torpedo with his forehead during the Battle of Jones Beach. Tom was a natural to be selected to compete on JEOPARDY, The Greatest of All Time. It was a clean sweep for Jeopardy Tom! Jeopardy Tom proved that he is the GOAT by sweeping both the Jeopardy and the Double Jeopardy boards! |
Double Jeopardy was also a clean sweep for Jeopardy Tom! |
Jeopardy James and Jeopardy Brad filed complaints stating that Jeopardy staff colluded with Tom to rig the Jeopardy boards. Jeopardy Tom stated that all his contacts with Jeopardy staff were “Perfect! No collusion! No quid pro quo!” When they asked Alex Trebek if he colluded with Jeopardy Tom, Alex declared: “I see NOTHING! I know NOTHING!” Jeopardy Tom quickly pressed his buzzer and proclaimed: “Who is Sergeant Schultz?” Thus, winning Final Jeopardy and proving that he is the GOAT!
Tom Gives His State of the Village Address
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Tom, as Mayor of Asbury Village, gives his State of the Village Address
while being impeached and running for reelection! |
Mayor Tom gave another perfect State of the Village Address. (Everything Mayor Tom does is perfect!) But this time the Address was given while he was being impeached for colluding with the Mayor of Leisure Village to obtain damaging gossip on Mayor Tom’s enemies, and there are many. Mayor Tom is running on a platform of building a taller and stronger wall around Asbury Village. Mayor Tom also supports arming all residents and approving gun-mounted walkers and wheelchairs. While campaigning in the Diamond Building Mayor Tom was asked by one of his nemeses about his poor showing in Edwards-Fisher caucuses. Mayor Tom responded by calling the lady a “lying dog-faced pony soldier.”
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Tom’s Navy stories received bipartisan applause! |
Mayor Tom ended the campaign stop by sniffing the Lady Dog-Faced Pony Soldier’s hair. At the Diamond Building Mayor Tom was asked about his policy of “Stop, throw them up against the wall, and frisk them if necessary.” He said that the policy was obviously needed in high crime neighborhoods of Asbury Village. Mayor Tom asserted that there are many criminal reports of residents stealing Sweet & Lows during meal times. Mayor Tom added that after frisking some of these criminal residents security officers found six or seven Sweet & Lows on their persons. Mayor Tom declared that slamming a few residents against a brick wall should put a stop to this widespread thievery. |
Tom’s promises of building a higher wall and supporting
gun-mounted walkers were not well received by all Asbury residents. |
During another stop at Mund, Mayor Tom was charged with calling women “fat broads” and “horse-faced lesbians.” Mayor Tom responded, “I am a New Yorker; I know how to take on an arrogant, racist, womanizer like my opponent.”
The Coronavirus Provides Tom with Time to Exercise His Artistic Skills!
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Tom’s Self-sculpture is a Big Hit with the Ladies of Asbury Village! |
As we all know, Tom is multitalented and full of culture. Before the pandemic, Tom made many visits to museums here and abroad, and even has taken courses to absorb as much culture as possible.
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Tom’s second Self-sculpture includes his neighbors |
No one doubts that Tom is now full of it. Tom received much inspiration during his many vacations in Europe. As an 21st Century Renaissance Man, Tom always thought that Asbury Village could use more culture. The pandemic’s stay-at-home policy gave Tom the opportunity to fill his apartment with culture. |
Tom even had time to paint his bedroom ceiling |
Once the other residents seen Tom’s apartment, they ask for culture for their own apartments. The ladies requested Tom’s self-sculpture, while the gentlemen requested that naked women be painted on their bedroom ceilings. Culture is now everywhere. Tom is very proud that now the Village is also full of it.
Tom Enters The Twilight Zone
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Submitted for your approval, one Tom Guisto,
a slightly the-worse-for-wear teller of Navy stories,
whose year has been as drab and undistinguished as a bundle of dirty clothes. |
There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and politics, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension beyond imagination. It is an area we call the Twilight Zone, also know as the Year 2020!
Imagine if you will, a year that started off with an outcry concerning politicians receiving cash in wine cellars and who the Jeopardy GOAT will be. And ending with politicians approving of multi-thousands of “mostly peaceful” rioters burning police cars, but banning small gatherings of worshippers praying. Since the politicians base their dictates on science, not personal bigotry, we must assume that thousands of rioters shouting in each other’s faces “Defund the Police!” is considered safe, while dozens of worshippers reciting the Lord’s Prayer are considered Superspreaders. And remember, Governors, County Executives, and Mayors closed down the schools based on “science,” not because they are lackies of the teachers’ unions.
Tom is looking forward to a Great 2021
Tom and his True Love
The Guisto family of Asbury Village
wishes everybody a
Happy and Healthful 2021!
Return to Tom’s World
