Tom thought that he had won the lottery, but after the show Oprah took him to dinner at IHOP and asked for separate checks! Tom hasn’t seen his half-sis since.
Tom was honored by the President for his Navy service 
during the Vietnam War, where Tom had to endure many hardships such as drinking warm beers and rum & cokes without ice! Tom’s tale of many sacrifices brought Speaker Boehner to tears.
In February Tom’s attempt at dating over the Internet ended abruptly and resulted in Tom having to apologize (once again) to his family, friends, and the Tea Party.
Tom joined Charlie and his goddesses for a WINNING weekend. However Tom could never figure out which goddess was the ex-wife, the nanny, or the porn star. The fun ended abruptly when Tom let Charlie drive home! Apparently Charlie does have only one speed - GO!
Tom found a great hotel through an Amsterdam Web site. But Tom didn’t care for the décor – everything red, including the lights. Tom also had to share the one lavatory with a bunch of ladies who were also staying at the hotel. In the future, Tom says that he will never book a hotel room using a Web site that is not in English. Tom also admits that he left Amsterdam with more money than he came with!
Tom attended Kate and William’s wedding, along with other persons they “dated.” At the reception Tom sat with the other datees. 
The Royals referred to the table as the “Losers Corner.” Tom did not appreciate it when the Queen proclaimed him as “The Biggest Loser.” On the right, Tom and the other losers march to their table.
In May Tom tossed his hat into the 2012 Republican presidential race as the fiscal conservative candidate. The media immediately found out that Tom owed Tiffany’s $500,000! Tom also attacked Congressman Paul Ryan for his plan to overhaul Social Security by social engineering and imposing radical change. Tom later apoligized when the media informed him that Paul Ryan was a fellow Republican. Tom completed his first week on the campaign trail by warning the Democrats that any of their ads that quote what he says are falsehoods since what he says publicly is usually inaccurate and unfortunate.
In June Tom shared his fondness for photography with his Facebook friends when he sent self-portraits to them – some of whom just happened to be schoolteachers, teenagers, and former porn actresses. When some FB friends objected to the artistic portraits, Tom said that he could not say with “certitude” that the photographs were of him.
When Tom spent a few weeks with an old friend, her husband unfortunately misconstrued their relationship. Once Michaele discovered that Tom used to play the ukulele on the Arthur Godfrey show, she found Tom irresistible and wanted to learn how to play the ukulele to spice up her dull life. The photograph on the left shows Tom and the Salahis in happier times.
To show their appreciation for very old fans, the New York Mets allowed Tom to play shortstop the last several weeks of the season. Since Tom played just as well as anyone on the Amazing Mets, the fans did not notice any difference.
Tom re-ignited his campaign for the White House by broadcasting the above ad. While many of Tom’s aides advised against it, others supported the ad by saying: “Just let Tom be Tom!”
When Tom found out that the Occupy Wall Street mob represents 99% of Americans, he decided to join the occupations. Tom says that with 99% from the OWS and another 18% from the Tea Party, he should win the election with 117% of the voters. Tom also pledges to campaign in all 57 states – just like President Obama.
When the above photograph hit the Internet, Tom’s campaign went into a tailspin. Tom says (again with certitude) that they were just crewmates aboard the cruise ship, SS Monkey Business. Tom says that the photo just shows two sailors enjoying a liberty together.
Tom reveals that during the Reagan Administration he was sexually harassed. Tom’s female bosses hired a professional Bunny to sexually harass him in the workplace. The Bunny apparently worked full-time on Capitol Hill and did sexual harassment as a side job. Even though it has been over twenty years, Tom has retained Gloria Allred to seek justice.
