2022
Newsletter

From the Guisto Family
of Asbury Village

Dinner and a Movie at Asbury

Tom became very popular with the Fair Maidens of Gaithersburg once they found out he was on a meal plan!

Tom has it all at the old folks home - A meal plan and free movies! Especially when Tom found out that there were no limits on how many guests he can take to dinner and a movie. What more can an eternal bachelor ask for?

Tom Becomes the VP's Speech Writer!

Tom's creative writing skills are finally celebrated!

When the Vice President needed a new speech writer, Tom was highly recommended because of his creative writing skills that were well used during his long government career. Once hired Tom got hard at work and wrote the following for the VP:

Tom was recognized for his creative writing skills by the Federal Government.

"We were all touring the library here and talking about the significance of the passage of time, right? The significance of the passage of time. So, when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time in terms of what we need to do to lay these wires, what we need to do to create these jobs. And there is such great significance to the passage of time when we think about the day of the life of our children."

"We invested an additional $12 billion into community banks, because we know community banks are in the community, and understand the needs and desires of that community as well as the talent and capacity of community."

"For Jamaica, one of the issues that has been presented as an issue that is economic in the way its impact has been the pandemic. We will assist Jamaica in COVID recovery by assisting in terms of the recovery efforts in Jamaica that have been essential."

"Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country. Russia is a powerful country. Russia decided to invade a smaller country called Ukraine so, basically, that's wrong."

"It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day. Every day it is time for us to agree."

"We must, together, work together to see where we are, where we are headed, where we are going and our vision for where we should be, but also see it as a moment, yes, to, together, address the challenges."

Unfortunately, some in the news media unjustly called Tom's writings Word Salads! Tom was unfairly fired and the VP is now looking for a more creative speech writer.

Tom Runs with the Bulls Again!

Tom stays ahead of the bulls!

On the first day Tom was ahead of the bulls, but on the second day Tom was on a head of a bull. Medical services were provided, and Tom will be running with the bulls in 2023! The bulls will be waiting.

Tom was still a head!

Tom's Balls!

Some bachelors have etchings. Tom has balls!

"Why don't you come up and I'll show you my balls?" Apparently, that line intrigued many ladies to go see Tom's balls. However, once inside Tom's apartment and after listening to two or three of his Navy stories, all the ladies would flee.

Tom Wins Contract to Build San Francisco a
$1.7 Million Toilet!

Tom's design for $1.7 Million single-seat toilet!

When Tom, always on the lookout for a quick buck, saw that the City of San Francisco was announcing a proposal to build a $1.7 Million single-seat toilet, he draw up plans (see above) and submitted them to the City for consideration. To Tom's astonishment, he won the contract. Tom quickly bought some lumber at Lowe's and hired several illegals. But when he found out that the toilet did not have to be completed until 2025, Tom put the lumber in storage and went on a Perillo Tour of Italy with the illegals.

Denizens of San Francisco waiting for Tom to complete his $1.7 million single-seat toilet.

Tom Sizzles Again In The Hamptons!

Tom Sizzles with his favorite Victoria's Secret Angel!

Tom continues to Sizzle wherever he is, but especially in The Hamptons. Magazines, social media, and even word-of-mouth proclaim Tom's whereabouts whenever he is in town.

Tom & Lily prove that they Sizzle no matter what they wear.

The Beautiful People sparkle under Tom's Sizzle. Beautiful Person Paris is especially glad to have Tom's Sizzle shine on her! All the Beautiful People say that The Hamptons just isn't The Hamptons without Tom and his Sizzle!

Tom and some of his "Beautiful People" friends Sizzle in The Hamptons!

Tom's Navy Stories!

Oh no! Uncle Tom is telling another Navy story!

We have all been held captive, either during Holiday and family dinners, or long road trips, where Tom expounds on his Navy experiences.

Tom recounts the Battle of Jones Beach, as told to him by the Hero of the Battle.

These tales include, but are not limited to: the Sailor whose Japanese-Filipina wife found out he was cheating, and proceeded to throw acid in his face and on another more important body part; the Sailor who hit a Marine with a brick twice and the Marine kept coming; the Sailor who was married five times (he married one woman twice), and then married a Filipina before he divorced his Stateside wife; and, Tom's favorite, the teenage Sailor who married his girlfriend's mother, and within six months, the mother, the girlfriend, and the girlfriend's sister, were all pregnant. And then there was the time when Tom kidnapped a girl who happened to be an Ensign and who's father was a Navy Captain. In Tom's defense, it happened during Happy Hour, so No harm, no foul! However, Tom's family here at Asbury is afraid that Tom would run out of Navy stories and resort to telling accounts about his time as a bureaucrat in the Federal Civil Service, and the numerous memos he has written.

Gisele Trades Up to a More Mature Tom!

Tom promised Gisele that he would stay retired.

When Gisele decided she wanted a boring, stay-at-home husband, she thought of our Tom. Seeking family stabilization, Gisele quickly divorced the overachieving Tom to settled in with the forever retired Tom.

Tom and Gisele waiting for a table at Applebee's.

Gisele was impressed when her new Tom told her that the cost-of-living increase for his government pension will be 8.7% in 2023! With the COLA, Tom promised that they would be able to take the kiddies to Sunday brunch at IHOP, and still have one date night a month at Applebee's. Since Gisele loves Tom's Navy stories, this romance will last a lifetime.

Tom is looking forward to a Great 2023

Tom and his True Love

The Guisto family of Asbury Village
wishes everybody a
Happy and Healthful 2023!

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