2023
Newsletter

From the Guisto Family
of Asbury Village

Tom Started Off the New Year with
His Favorite Dates of 2022

Tom loves celebrating New Year's at the old folks' home with the ladies, however since the Blue Note pub closes at seven it was a short evening.

Tom Becomes Rat Czar

New York City has its Rat Czar, the Old Folks Home has Tom!

Tom is the new "Director of Rodent Mitigation" and is responsible for ridding the Old Folks Home of its most notorious furry inhabitants. Like the New York City's Rat Czar, Tom will be in charge of rodent mitigation. Rat reduction is considered a Major Quality-of-Life and Health Challenge, not only for residents and staff, but also for the rodents themselves. In the mitigation process, Tom has promised to treat the rodents more humanly.

Tom believes that rat mitigation begins at birth: "If we can reduce the number rodent births, we can tackle our rat problem." Therefore, Tom partnered with Planned Parenthood to develop a humane program to lower the birth rate among the rodents of Asbury Village. So far the partnership is proposing developing tiny pills and tiny condoms to be used by birthing and non-birthing rodents. A sex education curriculum for all rodents of all ages is also being proposed.

Tom Runs with the Bulls Again!

Day One: Tom escapes the Bulls!

On the first day Tom was able to stay ahead of the bulls, but on the second day Tom was gouged while taking a selfie.

Day Two: Tom is gored but still is able to take a selfie with the gorer!

Tom received medical services at the Center for Advanced Wound Healing. The Center promises that Tom will be running with the bulls in 2024!

Captivating Photo of SI Cover Boy
Tom Guisto!

Tom believes in equity for SI Cover Boys & Girls

If Martha Stewart could appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated when she is in her 80s, so should Tom.

Eye Candy for the more mature boys.

Tom is just as stunning as Martha. Tom believes in Eye Candy equity for the more mature boys and girls. Both Martha and Tom say that they "Absolutely" had no work done to improve their looks! And now both are considered Eye Candy icons for eternity.

Tom Runs for Mayor of Asbury Village as the Tea Party Candidate!

Tom promises to build a bigger wall and "Drill baby, drill!"

When asked, "Why does the Village need a bigger wall?" Tom responded, "To prevent undocumented grandchildren from unlawful entry." When asked, "What will you be drilling for and where will you be drilling in the Village?" Tom responded, "Whatever we got and wherever it is."

Tom's vision for Asbury pond.

Tom Still Sizzles In The Hamptons!

Tom Sizzles each summer with his favorite Victoria's Secret Angel!

Tom continues to Sizzle in The Hamptons. Magazines, social media, and even word-of-mouth proclaim Tom's whereabouts whenever he is in town.

Tom & Lily prove that they Sizzle no matter where they are.

The Beautiful People sparkle under Tom's Sizzle. Among the beautiful people, Tom is considered the Most Beautiful. Tom loves The Hamptons and The Hamptons love Tom.

Tom is Person of the Year!

It was between Tom and a singer who wrote songs about boyfriends she dumped or dumped her!

Tom's and the Songwriter/Singer's true love was short lived; Tom found the Songwriter/Singer too needy. When Tom broke up with her, she immediately started writing and singing about their great romance and breakup:

The Songwriter/Singer and her new Ex.

"It only hurts this much right now / Was what I was thinking the whole time / Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out / I'll be getting over you my whole life"

"Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart"

"I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night"

"You kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever"

"You did a number on me / But honestly, baby, who's counting?"

"I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life"

"It never ever occurred to you / That I can't say 'hello' to you / And risk another goodbye"

"They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell / Every time you double-cross my mind"

"You said it was a great love, one for the ages / But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?"

The Songwriter/Singer is still writing and singing about Tom. But we all hope that Tom finds a new love in 2024 that isn't quite so needy.

Highlight of the Year:
Touring Italy with Little Tom!

"This is the most public yet of my many humiliations!" So says Big Tom

Even though Big Tom, the World Traveler, humiliated himself by taking Little Tom to the wrong Washington airport, Little Tom won the title as The Most Humiliating Tom! The photo makes this accolade self-evident!

Past Newsletters of
the Guisto Family
of Asbury Village

Click on Images to View the Newsletters

Newsletter 2009	Newsletter 2010
Newsletter 2011	Newsletter 2012
Newsletter 2013	Newsletter 2014
Newsletter 2015	Newsletter 2016
Newsletter 2017	Newsletter 2018
Newsletter 2019	Newsletter 2020
Newsletter 2021	Newsletter 2022

Tom is looking forward to a Great 2024

Tom and his True Love

The Guisto family of Asbury Village
wishes everybody a
Happy and Healthful 2024!

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